Trials, Fear, Growth

I had a successful interview with a couple of pastors yesterday. It was an interview that was challenging, not just during, but after as well. Processing the feelings that were brought out was something I did not anticipate needing to do. Below is my letter to the pastor's who interviewed me.

Good evening gentlemen!

I wanted to take a moment and thank you for your time and diligence during my interview.

Though I anticipated questions about my relationships, I didn't anticipate my
response. As I expressed to Ken, there is quite a bit of pain left that I did not expect. This November marks a two year "separation."

Today at work, I had a co worker come to me in confidence about his marriage. He is suspicious about his wife cheating. The pain in his expression was evident. He is very lost, very scared, and has no idea where to go or what to do. He has two children. I asked him about his
faith, he is agnostic. So he is just not lost, but LOST.

God has seen me through great trials. Compared to the trials of others, I see my trials as neither greater than nor less than the trials of others, as they belong to me and those involved.

As God grants us the mercy and grace needed to see us through these trials, He gives us the tools and power to help others in similar circumstances within our sphere of influence.

I have taken great measure to reconcile my marriage. The one thing that I've learned through out all my trials is that I control no one but myself and my actions and reactions to situations. I have learned to take ownership for my failures and make amends for those as best as
possible.

Rev. Figgs, you thanked me several times for my honesty, like today my co worker thanked me for my candor. I had to look up candor to make sure I understood it's meaning.

My interview provided me a great opportunity for growth by providing a better understanding of myself, helping me to see just how sufficient our God is when it comes to our trials, when it comes to the truth, and bringing it full circle with my co worker today.

I am actually fearful for the next 8 months.

Two fears I have:

Missing God's messages and guidance in my life at this time
Satan's attacks

At church we have had the opportunity to compare ourselves with those in the Bible. I am Peter. The one thing Peter lacks is wisdom. With in the last several weeks, I know God has provided me the wisdom needed to recognize satan's attacks. He has helped me to know that I am not alone, that this battle, and it is going to be a battle, has already been won through Him, by Him, for Him.

I ask myself why I feel compelled to share this, I don't know. I do however feel, that the more people know about me, as they pray for me, the better.

This is not a journey of purpose, so much as it is a journey of prayer. A journey that shines the light of our God to those that are LOST.

My friends I thank you again, for your time, for your questions, for your prayer, and the opportunity for growth.

Peace,
Jim McDermott